you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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