careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
