i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
