I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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