her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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