You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
