My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
