She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
