When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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