No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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