Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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