I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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