I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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