i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
