Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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