I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
