she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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