I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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