I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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