My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
