I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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