Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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