a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
