He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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