it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm both gender and math confused
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
