you would pick up someone in the library
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
