you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
