Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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