I hope mine doesn't look like that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
