he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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