More tranny stories later!
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
