They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
