he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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