When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
