You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
