I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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