I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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