went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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