I should be sponsored by Trojan
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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