Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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