dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
