I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
