last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
