does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dignity is for republicans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
