Will you blow on my dice?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
