i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
