You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
