I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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