I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
