Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im about as happy as oj after his trial
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
