Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
