well you can't waste a boner
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
