I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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