don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
