Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
