the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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