We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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