the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize