she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
