You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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