She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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