remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
