Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
